he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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