Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
