I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
