tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
