i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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