i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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