I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
