the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
