Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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