Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
