They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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