I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize