my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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