One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
did you just send me my own nude
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
