Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
