can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.