got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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