i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.