Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
whose parrot is this?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest