Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2710) Bad night (742)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."

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  (901): i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight." http://tfl.nu/7ug8
  Replies (29) Good night (4307) Bad night (967)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.

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  (602): Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho. http://tfl.nu/5bol
  Replies (34) Good night (1742) Bad night (4673)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

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  (404): She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more. http://tfl.nu/sgvu
  Replies (12) Good night (4867) Bad night (1417)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (1127) Bad night (6852)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.

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  (304): it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears. http://tfl.nu/ziqy
  Replies (31) Good night (8603) Bad night (1801)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them

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  (419): this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them http://tfl.nu/j2wl
  Replies (22) Good night (1336) Bad night (3082)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.

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  (724): He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever. http://tfl.nu/8ol6
  Replies (6) Good night (3425) Bad night (762)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.

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  (248): Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students. http://tfl.nu/08kn
  Replies (50) Good night (998) Bad night (4694)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.

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  (336): Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend. http://tfl.nu/6ua4
  Replies (4) Good night (1073) Bad night (599)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.

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  (985): Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece. http://tfl.nu/t3ih
  Replies (6) Good night (1168) Bad night (737)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.

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  (720): I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned. http://tfl.nu/lcb4
  Replies (4) Good night (1321) Bad night (454)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.

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  (704): Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom. (615): My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you. http://tfl.nu/pnfc
  Replies (3) Good night (900) Bad night (365)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight

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  (216): Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight http://tfl.nu/4usg
  Replies (4) Good night (420) Bad night (674)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job

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  (618): I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job http://tfl.nu/40h9
  Replies (6) Good night (380) Bad night (661)

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