Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato