Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
