At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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