I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
