she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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