dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
