Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
