Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
