My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
