So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
