Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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