Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
