he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
