You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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