I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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