Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
