Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
