Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We need to rekindle our bromance
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
