I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
