I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
