I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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