Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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