i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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