life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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