We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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