my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
