i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
