Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize