just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
