after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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