Tell her she can't have a vagina
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
