I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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