i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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