hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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