dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
