you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
