He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
