I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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