I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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