I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
