There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
